Many schools, starting as early as kindergartens all the way to tertiary institutions, are beginning to place more emphasis on group projects within their curriculum.

Working in a group teaches you more than just the subject at hand – you get to refine your communication skills as you work closely with the others in your group. And as with every group, there is bound to be friction or conflict, and this can of course severely affect the eventual outcome of the project. The key to success is in how you deal with the situation.

This is where Positive Conflict Management is useful.

Especially in a business setting, whether you’re an executive or a manager, it’s really important to learn how to manage challenges amicably, . It’s quite likely that you’ll be working with these people for a while, and your business could take a hit if you don’t learn to collaborate and work well together.

Here are my main three pointers for Positive Conflict Management.

1. Focus on the problem at hand

It’s very easy for things to get out of hand when you encounter a problem or a conflict. People get caught up with the mistakes made, emotions run high and tempers flair, but the most important thing is to keep your cool. Getting angry and raising your voice won’t solve anything.

Instead, shift your focus on the problem at hand and look at the bigger picture. The objective would be to uncover the root cause of the problem, and getting to a solution that best rectifies the situation, without any unnecessary finger pointing.

Once the problem is fixed, the managers in your business can then address the issue with the intention of letting everyone learn from such mistakes.

2. Separate the issue from the person you’re speaking to

One common mistake people tend to make when embroiled in a conflict is to deviate from the situation at hand and start attacking the other members of their team. This does not benefit anyone, and neither does it solve any problems.

To manage a conflict positively, all members must learn to compartmentalise and separate the issue from the people they are speaking to. A member of the team could have caused the problem, but in most cases, it is probably purely the result of a simple mistake that was surely not intentional.

Once we learn to isolate issues rather than pin them on a long list of problems we have with a particular team member, then we can start to move forward and progress positively.

3. Be mindful of your words

Your words can have a very strong impact on the situation and on others listening around you. As a business trainer, I always emphasise the importance of structuring your thoughts and phrasing your sentences properly, so as to bring about a more positive desired outcome.

There may be many hurtful words ready to slip off the tip of your tongue, but it is more important to think about the future. Your words and actions could affect the atmosphere in your office setting, or damage relationships between business partners.

So think carefully before you say anything or offer input to the discussion. Use positive words and intonations instead of negative ones, and soon enough you’ll find that your outlook on the situation will have improved as well.

Learning to manage and deal with conflict positively can greatly improve the company culture and overall performance of your business. Giving in to our emotions doesn’t help, and neither does finger pointing at people with hurtful accusations or negative comments. Instead, learn to take a step back and look at the bigger picture at hand, taking full grasp of the problem before offering a solution. Isolate the problem rather than tag it to a particular partner’s mistakes, and be mindful of your words.

This way, you’ll find that solving problems and conflicts in your company will become a breeze, having nailed conflict management as yet another positive skill under your belt.

If you want to join one of the many leaders learning effective business communication, check out my online virtual training program – www.ShirleyTaylorVT.com. I will work with you step-by-step to help you craft clear, concise messages that build great relationships and achieve better results.

Are you a people person? It may surprise you, but there is only one answer: Yes you are! You need people skills in every aspect of your life, from personal or professional relationships and networking, to getting along with your in-laws during the holidays. How you use these skills is what sets you apart, or not! If you want to let the light shine on you in the office, at meetings, or during the annual dinner, you need to develop great people skills now.

Improving your people skills has endless personal and professional benefits, making it one of the most important assets you can develop. So here are five techniques for improving your people skills, one for each day of the week:

Monday: Smile and be positive. It’s so simple yet, for some, so difficult. Remember Peter Pan’s ‘happy thought’? Well, come up with your own. It may be an upcoming holiday, goals you are working for, maybe your kids or your cat. Think your ‘happy thought’ when ever you need a pick-me-up to keep you smiling, energetic and in a positive mindset.

Tuesday: Use people’s names. When speaking with someone, whether it is a long-standing colleague or potential client, use their first name in a casual way. For example, instead of saying “that’s a great idea,” try “that’s a great idea, Bob.” It acknowledges what the person said and makes the conversation more personal. It will also help you remember new names!

Wednesday: Use eye contact. Now this is a tricky one that most people want to skip over. But please don’t. It one of the most basic and important social interactions. For starters, I suggest picking one eye and focus on it for a few seconds. Then the other one. Do this in a comfortable, casual manner. It may feel weird to you, but it has a big, positive impact on the other person.

Thursday: Listen! It’s true that people love talking about themselves. And part of great people skills is learning to listen. Try to go through an entire conversation without talking about yourself. It is odd how challenging this can be. Instead, ask the speaker questions and show a keen interest. You will walk away from the conversation richer for having got to know someone better. And you’ll also make their day because they will feel you truly listened to them.

Friday: Practice. The saying is that practice makes perfect, but perfection is rare. Practice does make a difference though. Get out there and interact. Meeting new people can be enlightening and invigorating. Conversations can be memorable and life-changing. Start a conversation with the taxi driver or the new neighbour who just moved in. With people come opportunities, so just get out there and enjoy connecting with your fellow humans.

So there you have it – people skills for every day of the week – well I’ve skipped Saturday and Sunday, so this is time for you to consolidate what you’ve learned! And the days are only a guide, so feel free to practice them all on any day!

You should find that each skill gets easier and more natural with time. And remember to relax and breathe! The ability to interact, communicate and connect is one of the greatest joys on this earth, so enjoy it.

Good luck on your path to developing positive people skills.

I’m a big believer in lifelong learning, and I feel something that we must never stop continuously improving is our communication skills. The way we communicate can often mean the difference between success and failure in getting a job done, building or busting a relationship, making or breaking a friendship, or indeed getting that promotion!

“Good morning” makes a difference!

I remember one morning quite early I met my two assistants for a training programme. Just as the lift door was closing on the ground floor, a guy rushed into the lift. He did not acknowledge us, turned around, and pressed a button. I then said, much more cheerfully than I felt, “Good morning!” This guy almost jumped out of his skin, but he half-turned towards me and nodded his head. When the lift approached his floor, he walked out, and after three steps he turned around, smiled, and said, “Have a great day!”

Wow! Bingo! Two things happened here. Even though it was early and I wasn’t feeling particularly cheerful at that moment, I did something that made a positive difference to the guy in the lift. And he also made a positive difference to me and my assistants. And who knows who else he acknowledged or spoke to for the rest of the day to continue making a difference to others.

A smile and a kind word makes a difference!

This incident reminded me of something that had happened several months ago when I was training overseas with a colleague, Marianna Pascal. Marianna and I were waiting for the lift to head down to breakfast. As the lift doors opened to reveal about 8 or 9 people, Marianna walked in, smiling broadly, and said, “Good morning everyone!” Well you can imagine the shocked faces! But what happened next was magical. Marianna and I did not immediately turn our backs to the others. We stayed facing them, and we started chatting. Everyone started smiling and chatting back. Where are you from? How long are you here? What convention are you attending? Which of the sights did you enjoy the most? By the time we all got down to the main floor, we were all laughing and having a great time.

Did we make a positive difference to these people? We certainly did! Did we make a difference to their day? Absolutely! And who knows how many of those people subsequently went on to do something similar to make a positive difference to other people’s days.

How do YOU make a difference?

Whether you think you do or don’t, trust me, you do make a difference! However, sometimes it’s not always positive. And trust me, when you make a negative difference, people will remember you – but for all the wrong reasons!

It’s not hard to make a positive difference. Sometimes all it takes is a smile or a kind word.

So how will you make a positive difference today? I’d love to hear from you!

We live in a fast-paced and pressurised world. Being able to communicate well with those around you is often critical. The more proficient your communication skills, the more successful you are likely to be within your chosen career. Companies often equate good communication with efficiency, and believe that a good communicator is likely to contribute in a positive way to the business.

If you wish to improve your own communication skills, here are 7 secrets (that are really not-so-secret) that will make your communication skills more efficient and effective:

1. Relationship Building
   A good communicator will concentrate on building the basic foundations of relationships quite simply by making an effort to speak. Even a good morning and a smile speak volumes. Someone with good communication skills will not just ask a question, but will wait to hear the answer; this increases the potential to build rapport.
2. Speak Clearly and Confidently
   When presenting, a speaker must be able to reach out and communicate to the audience on a wide scale. Talking in a clear and engaging manner helps. They will speak from a position of authority, and have a natural and appealing tone. Confidence is quickly recognised by an audience on a sub-conscious level. Most people feel nervous when speaking in public, and tell-tale signs include talking faster and in a higher tone. Knowing the subject matter well always helps, and you will come over as an expert; this will help to influence others too.
3. Increase Listening
   Many people believe that listening comes naturally, but a good communicator will often listen than they speak themselves. A good communicator shows interest in the other person by listening and not tuning out of a conversation. This helps to break down any potential barriers and avoid misunderstandings or confusion.
4. Non-Verbal Clues
   Communicating well also means listening and understanding any non-verbal clues – including body language, posture, facial expressions, and not simply the actual words that are used. A verbal message may mean one thing, but a good communicator can often pick up hidden signals through observation.
5. Breathing
   Presenting or managing meetings at a high level can be daunting; nerves can very easily get in the way. A good communicator controls any nervousness by using breathing techniques that serve to calm any inner anxieties, enabling them to speak clearly and with confidence.
6. Make Eye-Contact
   Many people believe that communication is all about the words we speak, but this is not so. Making eye contact increases the ability to connect by creating a bond at that moment. This connection becomes a bridge between the presenter and listener.
7. Practice
   There are always skills to improve upon, but practice helps, a lot. Anyone speaking to large groups of people has to analyse their speaking style and address any areas of concern. Looking into a mirror while practising is one way; watching other professionals to comprehend how they interact and engage is another.

To become a good communicator, adopt these tips and learn how to communicate successfully in your own way, building rapport, capturing attention and portraying any message in a professional and efficient way.

Communicating effectively may seem easy for some. They have a natural aptitude for saying the right thing, they rarely falter over their words, and their tone is engaging. For others, it’s an uphill battle to communicate efficiently.

Communication is a vital component in life. It is connected to every aspect of living and not simply your career. It affects business, sales, forming connections, friendships and strengthening all-important family bonds.

There are many important reasons for improving your communication skills, including:

1. Building Rapport
   You only have approximately 30 seconds to make a favourable impression on someone, so learning how to do this is essential. Building rapport isn’t just essential for new colleagues, employers or friends; it’s a vital component in creating profitable partnerships with business connections too. With minimal time to build that good first impression, it makes sense to use strong communication skills and these include; verbal, listening, and body language.
2. Openness and Trust
   In any business, communication can be poor. Developing openness and trust among your team and those around you will afford you greater respect and a team that works well together. You can try out various methods of communication, and always consider the team dynamics to ensure the right method is used.
3. Successful Idea Generation
   Generating ideas in a business arena requires specific skills, but developing the ability to promote those ideas positively and successfully requires excellent communication skills. Learning to read any business situation, and adapting your approach when required, will ensure that you are able to project your idea more favourably.
4. Listening Skills
   Listening skills are vital in all areas of your life. A common habit is to always be thinking about your next sentence and losing track of the conversation. Instead, by listening actively and effectively, you will be able to respond in a more targeted way, building a connection. Ultimately, this will save you time and effort, with less conflict or misunderstandings.
5. Presenting Yourself
   Many businesses require employees to take on greater and more diverse areas of responsibility these days, and these can include attending high-powered meetings, or, presenting in front of an audience. Presenting can be nerve-wracking. Learning how to overcome nerves, speaking clearly and with authority is vital. Using body language to reach out to the audience is another useful skill. Communication can also be in the form of handouts, audio recordings, as well as visually. The important aspect is to ensure that those listening understand the core of your message.

To progress in life and in your career, having good communication skills will enable you to interview well, to gain the career that you want, to handle difficult situations, to overcome obstacles, to sell your abilities, to build rapport, and to gain greater respect and trust from those who know you.

We’ve all been there at that awkward moment. We’re standing waiting for the conference room door to be unlocked for the meeting, and Lisa asks Joan if she missed work yesterday because she was ill. Joan answers with, “Oh yeah! I had this awful stomach bug that…” and she proceeds to give everyone the gruesome details of exactly how the bug affected her. Awkward!! Way TMI.

Joan made the crucial mistake of over-sharing personal details. It’s easy to do, especially when we strive to maintain close professional relationships with our business contacts. Our friendliness and positive attitudes are what make us such outstanding customer service gurus, in-house as well as outside the company.

We must, however, remember that every detail is not necessary to get our point across. In Joan’s case, it would have been more appropriate to say, ‘Yes, I had some kind of 24-hour bug, but I’m much better now, thanks. I’m looking forward to this meeting.’ Not only did she keep the details to herself, but she turned the discussion back to work-related matters.

Just about everyone knows that TMI stands for ‘too much information.’ It’s become a computer meme, even a worldwide joke, but it’s not really a joke. Many people often chatter on, without thinking about how what they are saying is affecting their listeners.

Whenever a business conversation becomes personal, remember this alternative
TMI:

Turn the conversation back to business. A personal anecdote can make a point or support an idea during a conversation, but the focus of the conversation is business.

Marshall your thoughts before you speak. Think ahead to any details that might just be too much for the situation, and remove them from your statements.

Indicate your reluctance to go into too much detail by changing the subject.

By considering TMI whenever you get the urge to over-share, you’ll be able to avoid being considered a chatterbox, and your listeners will be thrilled that you didn’t gross them out or embarrass them.

Developing good listening skills is vital. When you truly listen and engage in a conversation, there is the chance to create respect, credibility and trust. Few people listen properly, however. This is usually because most of us seem to have an innate need to prepare a targeted response, so as a result, we tune out temporarily from the conversation as we consider our next sentence. While this may be a natural approach to a difficult conversation, it can also mean the listener misses out on important information.

If you don’t want to take listening for granted, and you are serious about improving this valuable skill, it’s time to start making changes. Today. It might also be useful to consider what type of listener you are. Here are five different types of listeners:

1. People Listeners
   This listener strives to form rapport with the speaker. They tend to listen out for and respond to emotions, and are known to be empathic. Unfortunately, this type of listener can sometimes come across as intrusive as they push for more information of a personal nature.
2. Action Listeners
   Action listeners do not respond well when the speaker is less than detailed or has a rambling story to tell. Action listeners want precise, to-the-point information so that they can deal with any issues. Actions listeners are prone to be impatient at times, often failing to establish a relationship with the speaker. They may even talk over them to finish off their sentences in an attempt to get the information they need.
3. Content Listeners
   This type of listener is more concerned with the information being given than about establishing any type of rapport. They often ask very direct questions and may even come across as intimidating. They do consider all sides of any discussion, but need the speaker to provide evidence to support their claims, otherwise their viewpoint will likely be discarded.
4. Time Listeners
   Time listeners can seem impatient. They are often governed by tight deadlines and their to-do lists. Their nature indicates they need quick, detailed discussions so they can be organised and efficient. A time listener will often interrupt and consistently give furtive glances towards their watch or clock.
5. Appreciative Listeners
   The appreciative listener is flexible in their approach but they prefer listening to things that they want to hear. They tune into sound, use their perceptions and their past experiences. Depending on these individual factors, they may have open minds or consider themselves experts in specific areas.

Whatever type of listener you are, making eye contact is essential. This shows attentiveness and interest. It also ensures that the listener must listen. A good listener will allow the speaker to finish their sentence and will avoid interrupting. They will also analyse the comments that have been made before voicing a response. It’s beneficial to repeat the main points of the dialogue once the speaker has finished, and this endorses the fact that the message has been received and understood.

Good luck improving your listening skills.

We’ve all seen those people coming in for an interview with a stain on his shirt or a run in her pantyhose. Gross, right? You would never do that, would you? Of course not. We certainly know of the major factors that can help make a good first impression. They include those issues we are all taught, like dressing appropriately, having good hygiene, and being on time.

What can you do, though, when you really want to stand out from the crowd? Of course it makes a difference whether you have spoken with the person before, perhaps on the phone or by email, but for our purposes today, let’s assume you’ve never met these people before.

Since we’ve all learned of those basic factors, they aren’t really going to make you stand out, are they? What can you do that’s above and beyond, that’s unique in an exceptional way? Really, what other things can you do to help make a good impression?

1. Do research. If you don’t know whom you are meeting with or much about her company, do some research. Find out names and functions. Find out titles. If you can, find out what the company does and the way people function within it. You’ll be several steps ahead in the ‘getting to know you’ game.
2. Be positive. No need for risqué jokes, but do smile. Being upbeat and positive leaves others with a great feeling in response to you because it’s truly contagious.
3. Take notes. Don’t be afraid to carry a notepad and take notes. Not only will it help you remember things if the meeting is very long at all, but you will also appear conscientious and detailed.
4. Learn names quickly. Both your research and your notes should help you learn names, but try to at least save them in your short-term memory right away. You will impress the people you are meeting with your memory of course, and you will also be able to keep notes and ideas associated with the right people. This comes in really handy when you meet more people than you were expecting.
5. Listen. One of the best ways to impress people is to listen to them. You not only gain insights into their opinions and ideas, but it also makes them feel important!
6. Be organised. Practice, practice, practice! Whether you are giving a presentation, formal or informal, or you are just discussing some new ideas, have all your ducks in a row. Have documents in order and make sure you have enough copies before you get there. Know in what order you want to discuss your points. Let them see that you plan ahead and know how to organise your thoughts.
7. Be polite. This is actually one of the basics ways to make a good impression, but it bears repeating regularly. Nothing impresses as well as good manners and kindness.

As you can see from these ways to improve the first impression you make, they all have to do with your behaviour. What you are doing is showing people how they can expect you to behave in the future. It can make the difference not only in whether they remember you, but how they remember you as well!

Well, Elton John certainly got that right. “Sorry” seems to be the hardest word for many people. In fact, it seems more difficult in some parts of the world than others. It’s something that has bothered me for the longest time. So much so, especially recently, that I have to put pen to paper – or fingers to keyboard – and write this rant (aka blog post).

Ever since I’ve lived here, I’ve always struggled with the way so many people have difficulty saying “Sorry”. Here are some examples that I’ve encountered just recently:

1. In a café

Me: Can I get a new glass please? This one is dirty.

Waitress: I’ll get you a new one.

(or worse still, nothing at all, but he just changed the glass)

2. In a restaurant

Me: I’d like the salmon please.

Waiter: There’s no more salmon today.

3. In a shoe store

Me: Do you have these shoes in a size 41?

Assistant: Size 39 is the biggest.

Why can’t they say, “I’m sorry …”?

This is the question I’ve wondered about so many times. I’m consistently told it’s because the person believes that saying “sorry” indicates they have personally done something wrong.

Can we please get this right!

Saying, “I’m sorry” when my glass is dirty is the right thing to say. What you are saying is, “I’m sorry this happened.” Or “I’m sorry you got a dirty glass.” You are not saying, “I’m sorry that I didn’t wash the glass properly, and it’s my fault.”

Saying, “I’m sorry” when there’s no more salmon left, would mean you’re showing regret or sadness about something. You are not saying that you’re responsible for there being no salmon.

Here are two more examples:

1. Speaking with a friend

Friend: You’re limping. What’s wrong?

Me: I just tripped over and fell. My knee really hurts.

Friend: Aiyah! Why are you so careless?

2. To a colleague

Me: I was so sick at the weekend with a bad migraine.

Colleague: Good job it was weekend and you could rest.

Why oh why can’t these people just say, “I’m sorry”?

Saying, “I’m sorry” wouldn’t mean you were responsible for my fall. It would mean you were feeling compassion for me.

Saying, “I’m sorry” wouldn’t mean you were the cause of my migraine. It would mean you were feeling concern for me.

And this one takes the cake…

Here’s what happened when I wrote to a client who was overdue in paying our invoice, and not for the first time. Here are extracts from her reply:

Unfortunately, there are processes involved that are beyond my control.

I will expedite where possible during these changes.

Your understanding would be much appreciated.

Do you see the problem here? “Unfortunately” seems to mean, “Too bad”. If she had said, “I’m sorry about this”, it would mean, “I care”.

If the writer had just once in this whole series of emails said, “I’m so sorry about this”, it would really have shown me that she understands what I’m going through and is feeling concern and compassion for my situation. It would also have assured me that she cared. As a result, I would have felt better, despite the delays.

So please…

Sorry doesn’t have to be the hardest word!

Parents: Please teach your children about the importance of the word, “sorry”, and its many meanings. Also teach them about the implications of saying the word, and not saying the word.

Employers: Please make sure your employees are trained in the importance of the word, “sorry”, and how it should be used in customer service. And of course the implications of saying it and not saying it.

Let’s not continue letting “Sorry” be the hardest word to say. Let’s work together and make “sorry” a very much easier word to say! Let’s make it the right word to say!

What do you say? I’d love your comments and thoughts about the use of “sorry” in your part of the world. Plus any examples of when you have heard, or not heard, the word, “sorry” recently.

It’s been an amazing year at work and you’ve just been promoted to be the head of your team. You’ve held leadership roles in school before, but this time it’s a big step ahead in your career. As you revel in your success, you start to think, “Can I truly lead this team?”

Every stepping stone is always an opportunity for learning lessons, and one of the fundamental skills I always prioritise is active listening. In many ways, good listening skills are the basic foundation of any leadership role – they give you a better understanding of the people you work with and the team you lead.

There is a distinct difference between hearing what someone has to say, and listening to the message behind it. While hearing is a physical process, listening actually deals with inference skills and deciphering what someone has to say.

Luckily for most of us, Active Listening is a skill that can easily be taught, as long as we make a conscientious effort to improve ourselves. In fact, you can start with these easy steps.

1. Make Eye Contact With The Speaker

Keeping eye contact with the speaker builds a bond and a connection that keeps you truly in tune with the conversation. There are no distractions, no other visual cues, just you and the speaker making soft but direct eye contact, communicating with one another. Moderate your thoughts so you can keep a clear mind and concentrate on what the speaker has to say. As some would say, keep your eye on the prize.

2. Run Through What The Speaker Is Saying In Your Head

Allow what the speaker is saying to sink in and reverberate through your head. This gives you a chance to absorb the message and infer whatever the speaker is saying. If you don’t understand any part, or if something is confusing, ask the speaker to repeat or reiterate his point. Clarifying your understanding of the information will assure the speaker that you’re genuinely listening to them, and this is a great a step in the right direction.

3. At The End, Summarise The Whole Conversation

Run through the key points of the conversation when it’s time to come to a conclusion. By saying it aloud and paraphrasing your understanding, this reaffirms what you understand, you can clarify any doubts with the speaker. Not only does paraphrasing help to deepen your understanding, it also gives the speaker a sense of comfort that you have actively listened and caught on to what they have to say.

No matter what your seniority is in the organisation, you must not underestimate the importance of good listening skills. In many ways, as you progress higher in the management hierarchy, it would serve you well to practice active listening even more.

Listening increases your Emotional Quotient, which in turn increases your ability to influence, persuade and negotiate. How you listen conveys your attitude to the other person, and helps to make an exchange successful. By reaping the benefits from listening to the voices from all levels, we can truly build better relationships and create better businesses by being more productive as responsible leaders.

If you want to join one of the many leaders learning effective business communication, check out my online virtual training program – www.ShirleyTaylorVT.com. I will work with you step-by-step to help you craft clear, concise messages that build great relationships and achieve better results.